We have a bad smell loose in the truck and I can’t find the origin of it. To people who have never lived in a truck before, this probably sounds ridiculous, but to those of us who reside in close quarters for extended periods of time it poses a problem, and unsolved problems become “things,” and “things” are never good.

It always starts out the same – I noticed something that’s a little “off” whenever I crawled back into the truck after a break.

“What’s that smell?”

“Is this a new game, or do you really smell something?”

“No, I really smell something. It’s…I don’t know, it smells…bad.”

“Bad as in ‘naughty’ or bad as in ‘fuzzy rotten’?”

“Gross. Do you smell something that’s fuzzy rotten?”

“No. I don’t smell anything, I’m just trying to make it seem like I’m as concerned as you are about a smell.”

This response gets an extended eye roll from me and we travel on, and I notice the smell less and less as the miles go by. We stop again that night, and get out for a meal and showers. This time, my freshly clean nostrils definitely pick up an offending smell when the truck door is opened for me to get in again.

“I can’t believe you don’t smell that.”

“Are we talking about baked pee in the parking lot? Because I definitely smell that.”

“Ugh, no. It’s coming from inside the truck.”

“No way. My truck doesn’t smell like baked pee.”

This is where I ignore him and get on my hands and knees and start smelling every surface on the inside of the cab. It’s amazing how quickly things devolve when you’re sniffing the inside of a truck.

“Hey, while you’re down there…”

“That’s not funny.”

“I was going to say I lost a quarter last week, you should probably look for it.”

“You should probably be quiet while I find this smell. It’s probably one of your gross, dirty socks that escaped from the laundry bag.”

“Woah! Wait a minute. First you tell me my truck smells like pee, then you insult my socks? I’m getting the idea you might think I smell bad. I’m leaving.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going inside to see if they have a gas mask available, so the princess can travel in comfort.” “Get some Febreze while you’re at it.”

“Second item on my list. Right after the gas mask.”

Sometimes, you can never be prepared enough on the road.