You hear some of the weirdest things in truck stops. If you have a dirty mind, pretty much everything anyone says can be misconstrued as something filthy.
“Hell, I stuck it in and started to pump, but it kept turning off. I pulled it out and it was dripping! Damn thing was full the whole time!”
I stood off to the side watching the horror on a little old lady’s face as one trucker told another of the problems he’s having with his fuel gauge. I wanted to step in and explain, then I realized I was holding a banana and two oranges. Needless to say, I stayed put and waited my turn in line without imposing my fruitiness on an already shocked individual.
On the way out of the Love’s in Auburndale, Fla., I noticed a sign in front of a barbeque shack that read, “Wine Tasting” on one side and “Trailer Wash Out” on the other.
I immediately imagined a bunch of burly truckers sitting around a pit holding wine glasses with their pinky fingers sticking out while someone is hosing trailers out behind them. I was just waiting for someone to come on the CB and say, “Pardon me, sir, but would you have some Grey Poupon?”
A little further North, toward Savannah, Georgia, I saw a billboard advertising “We’ve got the biggest nuts!”
Sounds like a personal problem to me.
They were actually advertising a place to buy pecans, and apparently the pecans they sell are extremely large. Goody.
I’m pretty sure it wasn’t intentional, but on a side road we got off on, looking for one of those mysterious receivers who don’t find it the least bit important to include in the shipping notes, “Our warehouse is not where we say it is and the sign on the warehouse you’ll deliver to has a totally different name on it than the bill of lading,” I saw a double billboard. Top space was occupied by a slick ad for a Ford dealership. Bottom ad was spray painted, home-made, cobbled together with plywood and corrugated cardboard. It read: “We buy junk cars.”