So my office has been a little dark since fall and the time change and all. Since I’m too broke to go out and buy new lighting for my office, and probably wouldn’t even if I had the money, I rummaged around downstairs an found this terrifying monkey lamp. I think we got it from my mother in law, who was apparently in an earthquake we were unaware of, along with her terrifying lamp.


I really don’t like monkeys very much, I had a bad experience with a monkey once. I sat the monkey lamp on my desk and tried not to let it make me uncomfortable. I glanced over at it now and again, just to make sure it hadn’t moved or anything. I sat my coffee cup too close to it and accidentally touched the foot of the monkey when I reached for it. It freaked me out. It also caused me to notice there were pieces of other chimps strewn around the evil monkey.


That creepy-ass monkey ate his friends. There’s no other explanation.


What the hell are the tendril things, growing around the coconuts? How effing terrifying can one lamp possibly be?


Nothing about this lamp is okay. The blank, evil stare of the monkey assures me it will claw its’ way back from the dump if I ever dare to throw it away. Look at the tiny foot, poised to kill me at any second. What the hell are the tendril-things growing around the coconuts? Pretty sure I’m going to have nightmares with this monkey running around in them. Dammit.